Ceremony Issues
Question: Is it customary to invite the church congregation to the wedding ceremony?
Answer: Only those in your congregation who you consider to be friends or close associates would receive an invitation. However, if you hold a place of leadership in the church, you may consider a congregation wide invitation to promote church unity.
Question: My family insists that I not see my groom-to-be the day of the wedding until the ceremony. Is this customary in today's weddings?
Answer: No, Most couples today have disregarded this old superstition which stems from the days when marriages were arranged. There was a fear that the groom might take one look at his bride-to-be and bolt - so it was often safer for them to meet for the first time at the altar.Answer: It’s a good idea to be prepared for this meeting - there are a number of things to consider. First, confirm your ceremony date and ask if there will be another wedding taking place at your church the same day. (Ideally, you neither want to rush through your ceremony to make room for someone else nor leave your guests waiting for another ceremony to finish up before they can enter the premises.) Ask your officiant about any premarriage requirements you’ll have to fulfill - most faiths require engaged couples to attend religious-based classes or seminars. (If you are not members of the same church, find out beforehand if you should supply any documentation, such as baptism and confirmation certificates.) Your officiant may ask you to fill out an Application to Marry or sign a Letter of Intention to Marry. And, he will probably ask you and your fiancé a number of questions about your relationship, faith and commitment to one another to ensure that both of you are treating your upcoming marriage with the seriousness it warrants.
There are other details to talk about as well. If you’re having a soloist, find out where he/she should stand. Ask if there are any restrictions on decorations. Find out if the church provides an aisle runner, extra candles and candelabra, and what the rental fee is for them. If you’re marrying in the summer, make sure the church is air-conditioned; if your wedding takes place during a cooler month, adequate heating should be a given. Inquire as to whether guests can toss birdseed, blow bubbles, release balloons, etc., after the ceremony. Make sure there are plenty of parking spaces for your guests, and don’t forget to reserve a time for your rehearsal.
Question: In order to have a Catholic ceremony, does it have to be in a church or can it be outdoors or at another facility such as a lodge?
Answer: You do not have to have a Catholic wedding in a Catholic Church. However, the key is to have a priest or Catholic lay minister perform the ceremony. They would then be able to provide Catholic sacraments in your ceremony. Another way to include "Catholic elements" is to include traditional Catholic prayers throughout the ceremony. This is a way to let your family and guests know of your faith.
Question: When the mother and father of the bride has remarried what is your suggestion on seating at the wedding?
Answer: This is a question asked quite a bit. All brides want to keep the peace on their special day. When both parents are divorced and whether they are both remarried or one is remarried. The mother sits in the first pew, after your father walks you down the aisle he will sit in the second pew directly behind your mother. This same seating arrangement goes for the grooms parents. If the divorce was am amicable one and all great friends there is no reason to have both parents sit in the same pew.Question: Is it possible for a couple to get married (elope) in a different church than where they belong? Can you get married in a Catholic church out of the country?
Answer: Each church, religion and country
have their own wedding regulations. You will need to inquire Consulate
of Tourist Office, or Visitor Centers Wedding requirements with
the country you are going to. You may need to take certain documentation
with you. Also with the church if you need pre wedding classes and
what their policies are.
Question: In what order do we walk down the aisle?
Answer: TYPICAL PROCESSION - The wedding party enters in this order:
-- The Priest, groom, and best
man wait at the altar.
-- Groomsmen (who walk in from the side or accompanying bridesmaids)
-- Bridesmaids (starting with the attendant who will stand farthest
from the bride)
-- Ring bearer and/or flower girl (child attendants can be seated
with their parents once they reach the front)
-- Honor attendant(s)
-- The bride, walking to the left of her father or another close
male family member (In a Catholic procession, the bride is not
given away by her father; he simply accompanies her to the altar)
THE RECESSIONAL
After the ceremony, the procession is reversed, and the men
escort the women in this order:
-- Bride and groom (bride at
groom's left)
-- Flower girl and ring bearer (optional)
-- Honor attendants (maid/matron of honor and best man)
-- Bridesmaids and groomsmen, in pairs
Parents leave the pews directly after the wedding party recesses, followed by the congregation.
Question: I am wearing gloves during my wedding. What should I do with them at the altar?
Answer: There are several approaches you can take to this problem. If you are wearing short gloves you will probably want to remove the left glove and hand it to your Maid of Honor with your bouquet. In this case you should replace the glove before the recessional. If you are wearing long gloves, you will probably want to remove them both and hand them to your Maid of Honor with your bouquet. In this case, you should carry your gloves back up the aisle in the recessional as opposed to putting them back on. You may want to look into gloves that are made specifically for wedding ceremonies - many will provide easy access to the ring finger so you don't have to take the gloves off.
Question: Who do you give gratuity to at the ceremony, and what percent or how much is respectable?
Answer: Tipping has always been a personal expression of gratitude for service given and appreciated. The question of tipping those persons responsible for assisting you in your wedding planning is one of obvious importance and concern.
Gratuities are almost always added into the final bill, whether you have hired a private catering company or are using one of the finest hotel facilities. The question has been asked, "Is it proper to tip the servers, when I have already paid a gratuity in my contracted price?" The answer is, of course, "tipping has always been a personal expression of gratitude for service given and appreciated." For instance, if a particular server has spent his evening providing you service, over and above your expectations, and you choose to give that individual a "tip," that choice is entirely up to you. It should be given for extra special services only. It is not required, as the gratuity has, as noted, already been paid. The customary amount would be up to 15%. Others falling into the above category, include catering managers, hotel banquet managers, waiters, waitresses, bartenders and bridal consultants. Tipping a hostess or captain would fall in the 1% to 2% range. Remember, this has already been added to your final bill and additional tipping is just that. Additional tipping! Coat Room Attendants: It is customary to give fifty cents per guest. However, it may be to your advantage to arrange for a flat fee prior to the event. Limousine Driver: A tip of 15% is the appropriate amount to be given to your limo driver. Be sure to read your contract, as the tip has often already been added into the final bill. Florists, Photographers, Bakers, Musicians: Tipping only for extra special services, up to 15%. Civil Ceremony Officials: (Judge, Justice of the Peace, City Clerk) In years gone by, it was considered improper to "ask" a set fee for services rendered. However, today, you may find a "suggested" donation for those in public service. In a recent survey, it was found the average gratuity was between $50 and $75. If travel is involved, an additional gratuity is expected.Clergymen, Rabbis, Priests: No less than a $75 donation is considered proper and it is rare to find anyone giving less than a $100 gratuity for the wedding officiant. This donation should be given to the best man prior to the ceremony. Following the proceedings, he will then give it to the officiant. If travel is involved, an additional gratuity is appreciated.
Organist and Musician: Fees for church organists and musicians are often included in the rental fee for the church. When this is not the case, a gratuity of no less than $35 is appropriate, but in a recent survey, the average was $50 for each person. When the organist and musician (soloist) are close friends of the couple or family, the gratuity averaged $75.
Question: What is the proper way to deliver the ceremony fees?
Answer: Fees for the officiant, the organist, the soloist, and use of the church or other house of worship should be delivered in a sealed envelope, addressed to the person, and given with your thanks. The responsibility is usually given to the best man or trusted family member.
Question: What can we use after the ceremony for our guests to "throw" at us instead of bubbles, flower petals, butterflies, etc. (the usual things)?
Answer: Use items related to your theme. For example, many couples here in the Colorado Mountains throw golden aspen leaves for fall weddings. Sparklers are a favorite. Feathers are fun. Consider something that reflects your hobbies or an item related to your honeymoon locale.